I haven't done a blog post like this in a long time. For supporters of mine, please don't be put off by my analysis. This is not meant towards you individuals. This is me airing out some thoughts. Just bear with me, and don't over think it.
I'm releasing what may be my last album. This time around, that is a more sincere statement. But in my journey, I've noticed and learned a lot about the humans around me. In fact, besides working on my next novel, I've been contemplating writing a psychology book or manual. I'm honestly disappointed in people. I expected more. Over the years, I've constantly tried to buy into the changing rhetoric that adjusts in order to dismiss my efforts. At times I resisted, and then at times I have honestly tried to see where everyone is coming from.
Over my career, I've released 19 albums at this point, including my upcoming "Love Fist" record. I deal with many hurdles and issues including mental mazes, since childhood. I've always embraced it. It makes focusing very difficult most of the time, and you really have no idea how hard it is to live in my skin. Nobody does. It's the equivalent of running a marathon on one leg. It feels, and is a really unfair state. If only an honest story could be told of my life inside and out, from the beginning, you would see that what I've accomplished up to this point, is nothing short of astounding. That isn't bragging. It's just pointing out how much of an oddity I am. When you are working with so many deficits that you can't change, at a point, you accept them, and abandon excuses, eventually expecting an unrealistic amount of output from yourself. And some find a way to cope with it. Some cave in, and commit suicide at times. It's more difficult than the average person will ever realize. But when I look at my body of work, I'm more sure than ever, that something is definitely wrong with people's perception and reception of me, to a large degree, which is sad. But I don't feel it's going to change. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens with the release of Love Fist. There isn't a better album to hang it up with. I can't possibly imagine a better effort than this record. Yet, I already know what the response is; and that's what's sad. Time and again, I watch this really cringe-worthy performance people put on, when I corner them for an opinion about my work. The response is like they're forced by some entity to not just dislike, but to refuse to even entertain it most times. It feels like people are scared or prohibited from forming emotional opinions these days.
The other day, a friend made a comment as we were at a pool hall, that really made sense. We were there, while a DJ was providing music for the venue. Oddly enough, my friend noted that the music being played wasn't current gen music. It was dance and party hits from the 90's and early 2000's. He said isn't it odd that even though the location was packed with people that subscribe to the latest artists, they won't play that music. Deep down, people recognize good sounds to some degree. Music, and entertainment has become overly social. I've realized that people will force themselves to listen to someone who is socially acceptable to them, and force themselves to dismiss someone who isn't. It's a really pathetic way to live life, but it has become the standard.
There is no physical, logical way to dismiss my catalog of work completely. A lot of people think I glorify and augment everything that I do, and don't have a realistic opinion of my own work. That is one of the biggest cop out statements and opinions. With the mental health issues I've dealt with over a lifetime, I am beyond my biggest critic, and that's literally beyond my control. That's part of my condition. That's how misread I am. You have no idea how hard I am on myself. I over analyze every little thing that I do. Going back to my first album- Pariah, I've dismissed many of my records, simply because there are little sounds or nuances that annoy me, or that I could have done better. I don't even really feel I came into musical maturity until I did the Magnum Opus records, where I really developed a meticulous and professional approach. With each record, I go over them with a finer tooth comb each time. In fact, it has gotten harder and harder for me to even release records over the last few years. This is due to my ears always getting more critical, my standards constantly raising, and the fact that I cannot stomach producing the same sound twice. No matter how much I nail something, if it sounds like something I've done, I will scrap it. These are some of the little things that people don't realize is going on in my head, and with my work. I'm not some mindless clown who just rambles on about nothing, and sloppily does unprofessional work, and it really sickens me that I seem to have been given that label and disrespect, just because I'm not socially agreeable with the masses. And with all the hang ups and life challenges that have happened, keeping me on my toes, I was surprised to look at my catalog, and see that I've released at least 1 if not 3 albums every single year, for my entire 12 years I've been doing music. And people looking from the sidelines will dismiss that as, "Oh well that's nothing special. He's doing little junk projects that take nothing to make." That's the stupid ignorance that ticks me off. I wish you could see a video of the process each time I do a record. That thinking is based off of individuals who have a low opinion of me no matter what I do, from the start. If you could only see the loads of work that goes into the process. But a pop artist that you all accept could literally steal an entire album, and you'll "see" work put in that doesn't even exist.
And when people do give an opinion of sorts, most of the time it's not balanced. They strain to ostracize it as weird, left-field and unapproachable, scrutinizing details that don't even exist, when if they held the artists that they respect to those same made up standards, they would fall far short. It's just a bull game of politics that really agitates me, and that's part of why I'm getting fed up.
For a long time now, I've been wanting an honest breakdown as to what the highs and lows are of my different projects, yet no one is willing to do it, like it's a waste of their time to even entertain a second of the pieces. Years ago, a former colleague said some nonsense to me in the studio, that my lyrics are just gaudy sounding, but are just random picked words put together that convey simple ideas. This is an idiot that worked with me on some projects. This is how stupid people can be. They can work directly with you, like that fool, and still be attached to a low opinion of you, because everything they see, hear, and feel, is based off of a pre-determined agenda that they follow like drones. You should want to be more than that, as a human being. And in light of statements like that from people, I've several times invited any and everyone to break down my work and make that case. Not a single person has taken the bait, because deep down, you all know what's up. There is absolutely no reason that Love Fist should not get acclaim, as well as past projects like Standing on the Corner and Religion. I'm not saying Hall of Fame status, or Grammy demands per say. I'm just talking about a simple base of support or niche. That's all. If somebody more socially agreeable put these records out, they would be recognized. There is just no denying that at this point, even dismissing all but my very best efforts. You can't argue genres because I've covered too much. Love Fist is as palatable as you can possibly get Pop-wise. And when I did my experimental albums, I got a lot of flack wrongfully. When I look at the entire experimental scene, just looking at acclaimed works that have support on all of the major outlets, I'm hard pressed to find a more accessible experimental record than what I did with SSSX and Religion. I've purchased and listened to records in this genre from respected artists and they fall far short of the mark sound-wise. But these cats get away with it, because nobody is actually listening. The name carries them. People just continue to manipulate and set different standards to wall me out of consideration, which is bullocks. It's not right.
Love Fist is by far my best work. And it conveys a theme that I envisioned being made into a martial arts movie at some point. It also conveys a principle idea that I have had and developed in real life application when it comes to true technique and self-control and and self-defense. It's actually based off of deep discussions I've had with teachers of mine. There is a lot that can be said about the record. But the track "La Tekniq" is actually a really descriptive summary of the entire idea. That song is probably one of my best lyrically written songs ever. Instead of just assuming that I'm not saying anything, I invite my skeptics to actually read and listen to they lyrics. Another thing that I'm proud of on this project, is the production. I went over and over it again and again, refining the quality, and the diversity of the compositions. This record ended up coming out so clean, I'm still surprised. I always had on my bucket list as an artist, to do a Vinyl record before I was done. I'm very much a sound snob and meticulous, so I don't think that a record should be a vinyl unless it has layers and layers of quality, just like a movie shouldn't be blue-ray or 3D unless it's giving you transcendent art to look at. It just so happens, that with this last record, I finally did a work of art that I am considering putting on Vinyl. That would be some way to call it a career.
Maybe at some point, I will do the movie, if I can get the support for that. The idea I had is really interesting. Honestly, this is the last stop for Jokatech. I urge you to, if nothing else, give this record- "Love Fist" a listen when it releases on Spotify and Itunes. For just once allow yourself to base the merit of a work on its fruits, not the person behind it. You will really not be disappointed, and will hear the best of what I had to offer.
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